Jobs for the future, tongue in cheek version
NOTICE: Because this post concerns the TSA, it contains very rough language and is not intended for children or those with delicate sensibilities. Pauline, this includes you.
Unless those reactionary Republican CongressCritters do something stupid like trying to take away TSA's right to humiliate, harass and feel up anyone wanting to fly on airplanes, parents can soon begin the pre-training for their children by having them stick their hands in pots of liver and squeezing. This will prepare them for taking the class "Groping The TSA Way".
Of course it's also likely that by that time some ignorant terrorist will have tried to blow up an airplane by stuffing his rear end full of TNT, which means that new courses will be required. "Correct Procedure for Anal Probing" will likely be taught by someone whose parents were ahead of the curve and taught their young ones early on that all orifices are equal. The second year course will be "Cleaning Your Fingernails After A Tough Day".
Some may scoff at predictions such as these, but imagine for a moment the dilemma faced by parents of kids who are not, shall we say, perfectly mannered. Serial killers are often said to have mistreated animals and likely be fascinated by fire. We don't know yet what characteristics will suggest futures as gropers, but at least their parents won't have to worry about them being tested psychologically.
But(t) touching and teaching are not the only jobs that will be generated by our rulers. Once the green revolution completes the takeover they're pushing, it will be only a matter of time until they decide that disposable gloves cannot be made from petroleum products. In Los Angeles, the poster child for the failed state of future foolishness, they recently decided to outlaw plastic shopping bags.
Once disposable plastic is fully outlawed, the re-emergence of poverty-inducing textile manufacturing will become the place to work for millions of illegals. New gloves, mandated by House bill "Gloves for Gropers", will be impregnated with a newly found hormone, discovered in dead socialists and appropriately named shitforbrains. The process of creating this synthetically will be deemed too expensive, so Congress will pass a new law which will demand that all socialists be denied healthcare once they reach the age of sixty, so the hormone can be harvested. Republicans pushed hard for the age limit to be thirty, but since most of the Democrats in Congress were both illegal and socialist, they were foiled.
Okay, most of the last paragraph was hyperbolic projection, but twenty years ago who'd have believed that the government would say to hell with the law so they could screw both shareholders and bondholders of General Motors - not to mention taxpayers - and bean counters in DC would determine who gets a new hip? The point is that we don't have a clue what's going to happen in the future. Unless the size and powers of the federal government are drastically reduced, anything is possible. Parents of future perverts may be soothed however by the knowledge that, although prohibited in the law establishing the TSA, our president and others are now pushing for the unionization of TSA employees, so once they achieve a job title of "Breast Inspector", "Testicle Technician" or "Senior Ass Prober", at least their jobs will be safe.
In reality, the industry most likely to need new instructors will be firearms training, though it is fun to anticipate what new college courses might be called - "Taking Nude Pictures For The Government", "Analyzing Anal Probes", "Legalizing Sexual Assault", "Brown is the New Pink". Okay, I'll stop now, though I could go on for hours. Imagine the courses in graduate school - should these graduates be known as Master Gropers or Professional Junk Inspectors? Okay, I said I'll quit now. But think of the logos . . No, I'll stop. Get those pictures out of your head now, okay?