Angel Soft and me

Children learn from their parents, whether that's what we're hoping for or not. Some of what we teach is intentional, and good, some not so much. And there are so many different things we have to teach, often due to just living. When Shane was younger, I moved about four times in ten or twelve years, and being who I am, I often drafted him to help. But I taught him stuff about moving too, so it wasn't a total waste for him. I taught him there are two must-have items that have to be at both locations while a move is being executed - one, toilet paper, and two, beer.

I bring this up simply as a way to begin a post largely about toilet paper, which I think I'm safe in saying is not a regular, or popular, topic, but it's true. Ask Shane and he will tell you that's what he was taught. But he still doesn't like beer . . I don't think. Anyway I've been using Angel Soft toilet tissue for a number of years now. I've tried others, Northern, Charmin and a few more, but found I kept returning to Angel Soft, so finally stopped trying others. Living alone, I never saw the need to buy the twelve-packs and so buy the four-packs, possibly because four is so much closer to my IQ than twelve.

As the economy tanked, I, like many others, began reading a little about what's known as survivalism, or sometimes prepping. The concept assumes that you foresee big trouble coming and want to prepare for the worst. A primary precept of this involves stockpiling goods - food in particular, but also ammo, soap, water-purification systems and much, much more.

Not long ago, I too began stockpiling a few things. I stocked up on soap, deodorant (under intense lobbying by those closest to me), shampoo, razor blades and shaving cream, and toilet tissue. I started like I suspect most do - each week at the grocery store I'd buy one or possibly two items not immediately needed, but that would assuredly be used one day. Before long I realized I had four four-packs of Angel Soft on the shelf and wondered how long they might last. I also had eight sticks of Old Spice High Endurance deodorant (smile, my friends!) and four six-packs of Irish Spring, but figured I'd determine first how long my most important moving item should last, 'cause if something hits the fan, I'm out of here.

On April 25 of this year, I opened a new four-pack of Angel Soft and decided to track how long it lasted. I created a very simple spreadsheet to do so, hoping I could use the same spreadsheet to track usage of other stockpiled items later. I found it mildly interesting that I had to open the second four-pack on July 25, exactly three months later. Imagine my surprise when earlier today I opened the third four-pack, just after looking at the calender.

Merle Haggard sang I Take a Lot of Pride In What I Am and now I can too. After all these years (and there are a lot of those), I can finally say that while all the differnt things I've been called - weird, strange, wacko, cranky, stubborn, crabby, hard-headed and others that shall not be shared - may have shards of truth (or more), there is one thing that cannot be denied. I am a regular guy. I hope Shane is too, but that's really none of my business.

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